In 12.5 hours

 

I am leaving my childhood home to live in Arizona for 4-5 months and go to a clinic that is supposedly going to increase my livelihood.

Right now, I feel like I am having a heart attack, panic attack, seizure, and dying all at once. I know this is my only choice I’m just honestly going to log my journey. And this is almost day one and I couldn’t be more scared and skeptical.

And yes, I do have a gap in my front teeth. It just appeared in the past year, awesome I know.

I’m terrified of planes.. every change in elevation feels like a roller coaster.

Also since I can’t bring marijuana on the plane, when we arrive I will have to spend all night herxing from having no access. Hopefully not but I don’t have the best luck.

And it’s going to be warm.. hot even!? Who would want that in december?
I can’t mentally wrap my head around what clothes to wear. And i’m a cold weather person!
It definitely doesn’t help having brain fog.

I just want this to be over.

Captains Log; not even day one.

Medical Marijuana Helps!

Now here’s an controversial post…

Since I first became sick, I knew this plant was one of the only ways I could get relief.
Yes most of us try Marijuana in college and I did too, but I started to realize it helped my migraines, cramps, hang-overs, anxiety and depression.
Little did I know a whole new world was about to open up to me.

When I became too sick, I had to move home. At first this was a big problem considering my way of medicating is still illegal, but eventually, my parents realized what I had. IT HELPS!!
Yes my parents did A LOT of research before they were really on board, but now we know, Marijuana, or magic medicine as we call it, really does help ALL of my symptoms!

Now of course legality is an issue, I just wish the government could hear all of our stories and see how much benefit we get from this harmless plant!
And no, I have never tried any harder drugs, and nor do I ever need too, Marijuana is all the help I will ever need. (besides antibiotics of course)
Cannabis, especially the CO oil, has even been studied to kill the bacteria from Lyme Disease – For more information

Making Marijuana legal could heal millions of people. Imagine getting the right strains for your symptoms? While I’m in Arizona for treatment, I will get a temporary card and will finally be able to experience true relief is my belief. Hopefully I will have amazing results to share will ya’ll.

If you live in a legal state, I would highly recommend at least trying it, you never know how helpful it could be! 

Always Looking for Help

As I previously wrote, I went to see Dr. Joseph Jemsek in D.C. for the first time since being diagnosed.  It was literally the first time I felt confident leaving a doctors office. I felt understood, cared about, and had hope.

I left with the task of getting my anxiety and sleep “under control” which meant trying Lyrica, Lamictal, and Mirtazapine. Well I told ya’ll about the two evil L’s and the Mirt is still under consideration. So far half a tab gave me restless-arms syndrome. Just my arms, no where else. So weird and frustrating.

During my horrible bout with side effects, Dr. J. was unavailable. I was screaming like a demon from hell telling my parents to take me to the hospital before I could recede back into the fires of hell forever and we couldn’t get anyone on the phone.

It’s been about a week and so far all I’ve got is that a higher dose of Mirt may cancel out the effects….. I mean i’m going to try it but still. That’s it?
They won’t treat me until everythings under control..

Thank god for the psychiatrist kind enough to medicate me over the phone.

Now, there’s this place called Envita in Arizona. It’s a clinic for lyme patients and also cancer too, still out patient but a place for us to heal none the less. To be honest I didn’t know places like this existed until my parents mentioned it.. but it’s secretly all I’ve ever wanted.

Both of my parents have been working tirelessly for weeks; talking to patients and their parents, watching videos, researching, literally everything they can to justify taking me midway across the country..

This is a 6 hour plane flight for someone who is completely terrified and refuses to understand planes aka ME, AND I’d be going with just my mom since my dad has to stay, work and take care of my 3 cats and our 2 dogs.
The plane part is REALLY hard but i’m also worried my mom and I will be stressed out and fight and cry and hate each other.. I mean hell, she may be strong enough to handle it but can I?  With my anxiety i’m not the best person when i’m away from home and my normal creature comforts.. I can literally put the rage in lyme rage if you know what i mean.

All laid out though.. it does seem to make sense to travel far away, live, and receive close attention than it does to try to do most of the stuff on your own.. and yes I also know all about Dr. Jemseks history..

If anyone has any comments either way, negative or positive, please leave them. I have no idea what to do.

Being Wheelchair Bound

I woke up one morning and my knees stopped working. I can’t walk without holding on to something and my knees bounce and jerk like I’m trying to dance walk. Trust me I’m not. I mean COME ON! I was already sick did I really need this added to the list??

As you may have guessed this makes it hard to get around and increases my pain immensely! So I had to make a choice, get a wheelchair or never leave the bed. (Now don’t get me wrong, I am still mostly bed-bound)

Leaving the house is already close to impossible dealing with all the symptoms that I have too.. but now my invisible illness had become visible.

This was a scary thing to deal with, but I chose to keep living as much as possible. I don’t always have the best attitude but I absolutely go crazy if I can’t leave the house for days.

It’s also really weird to use a wheelchair when you can still walk a little bit. You find yourself wondering what people think when you move your legs, when you stand up to reach something on a shelf at the grocery store..

But after some time you start to forget about that. Its hard but eventually you realize that they have no idea what you go through every day. You fight more than they realize and hell, they may be fighting too!

If you  need to use a wheelchair or a walker in order to leave the house, do it. Don’t think twice, just do it.

Now my parent’s take me on “rides”, I can go to the park, and I don’t have to worry about there being a wheelchair or cart to rent/borrow where ever I go!

Happy Rolling!